Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
