Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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