i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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