I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
