I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
