fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
