It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
