you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
