I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
