I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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