he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So much rum. So many feels.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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