I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
