You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
