i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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