i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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