I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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