Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
In America we eat man semen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
