If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Duck Duck Cougar?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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