im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
where does the pee come out of this thing
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
