I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
