it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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