Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
