dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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