It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
