i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
