dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
