Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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