My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
