I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
