Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
her vagine was all disorganized.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
