So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
