Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
