I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
