You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
