What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
