I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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