So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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