Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
