my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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