My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
tell your sister to shave her snatch
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
