That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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