Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
