it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
