This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
