I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
