And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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