my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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