So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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