she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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