Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
