she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
