God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
