I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize