You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
