is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
