She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
