i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We need to rekindle our bromance
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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