I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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