So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
