I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
