Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
