Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
