i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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