Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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