you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
