There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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