pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
