everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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