I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
did you just send me my own nude
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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