I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
