Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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