Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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