Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
