i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
