i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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